9.27.2002
Rondoisms
Always be prepared.
Rondo made sure the headsets were all wired properly today, heh.
Always be polite.
One of the cooks at my store started to yell to/at me for something.
Cook: Hey...HEY!
Rondo: *stomps over* Hey, her name is not Hey. Her name is Ginny, and I expect you to call her by her proper name, you hear me?!
Me: Thankies, sir!
Always know that someone loves you.
One of our old employees has come back after a loooong break (I think). He's a cutie and all, and a good friend, besides. I spy him in the store, and call to him.
Me: *grin* Heeeeeeeeeeey, TOBY!
Toby: Hey, Ginny, how you doing, girl?
I hug him, and smile.
Me: Good, and--
Rondo: Hey!
He stomps over and playfully shoves Toby away and stands between us.
Rondo: *teasingly* Get away from my woman!
Me: *being equally teasingly mean, giving Rondo's arm a hug* Hiiii, Rondo...
I'm being corrupted by Rondo, do you hear me? Corrupted! AUUUGHHH!!! (heh)
9/27/2002 11:50:00 PM
Mmmm...
Not as in yummy. As in thought process.
You know, I once told someone dear to me that my greatest fears included being forgotten and being abandoned. Deep seated issues, really, goes back to my biological father leaving on my account when I was born yadda yadda yadda...
And although I fight the dark feelings, although I try my best to be nice to everyone so that at least someone will remember me with some slight kindness and good words at my funeral, however many decades away it may be, I'm starting to realize the real problem isn't everyone else.
It's me.
I don't want to be abandoned or forgotten? Fine. Then I need to get more involved with others' lives. Be there for their laughter, and for their heartbreak. Anyone can tell you laughter is easy to handle, while sadness isn't. I'm empathetic to a major fault, so you can see how negative feelings from others affect me. It isn't easy to be around them, because I know their pain, but stupid little me can't even form two words together to make a sensible show of heartfelt, spoken empathy for them. To help ease their pain.
I think one of the most obvious cases of this is a girl at work named Danita. Her mother is very very ill, and Danita's been having an extremely difficult time of it. It almost breaks my heart everytime I see her, because she's constantly upset, and has been in tears several times. I try to say something, anything that'll make her feel better, but my tongue gets tangled, it comes out all wrong...I do more harm than good, and end up wishing I hadn't bothered at all. Which makes me feel awful because I don't like to see others upset. And if I can't help others, become a part of their lives, how can I ever hope to have anyone here for me?
But then, it's my fault again for not trying to talk to anyone, either. I don't want to upset anyone with my problems anymore than I like seeing others upset with theirs. If I upset them with my problems, it makes me feel doubly worse, and increases my passion to be introverted. And so, here I sit, mulling over my thoughts, knowing there is a scant few that know the real me, and even they don't feel as close to me as they used to.
But it's not their fault. I love them dearly, and I don't ever want to see them upset on my account. It's simply unforgivable, to me. I still stay awake late at night, remembering things I "did" to people years ago, hurting as if I had done those things in the last 24 hours. And the more I hide away, draw away...the worse it gets. The sweet joyful girl with a positive attitude and bright future is now letting everyone down, with no decent reason why. And she wants to talk to someone again, anyone, anyone willing to listen...but she doesn't want to burden anyone with her own negative things. It'd upset others, upsetting her, causing her to grow more introverted.
...it's a vicious cycle...
9/27/2002 11:36:00 PM
9.26.2002
*taps brain* This thing on?
Today's Rondoism: It's perfectly ok to laugh at yourself. Take today's example.
At work, we have these headsets that allow us to talk to each other when we can't get to them otherwise (ie--I'm talking to a customer, and the manager is in the office; the headset allows me to talk to him while still helping the customer). Well, the headsets have to be set to a certain channel, or we can't hear each other.
Two of our brand new headsets are set on a seperate frequency from the rest, and the managers we have now haven't the foggiest idea how to set them to match the rest. That proved to be a problem the last few days, so Rondo took extra caution to make sure everyone was wired properly today. He hands out the sets, then walks to the far side of the store to test them.
Rondo: Test, test, can anyone hear me?
Me: Sure can, can you hear me?
Rondo: Say that again.
Me: Can you hear me?
Rondo: No, I can't.
I walk toward Rondo, and yell, "Well, how do I fix this?"
"Darlin'..."
"Yes?"
"Think about this for a minute..."
"Huh?"
"How can I tell you I can't hear you if..." He trailed off, big Rondo grin on his face. He then burst into loud laughter as I sheepishly figured out what he meant.
My Kind of Song
Turning molehills into mountains/
Making big deals out of small ones/
Bearing gifts as if they're burdens/
This is how it's been./
Fear of coming out of my shell/
Too many things I can't do too well/
'Fraid I'll try real hard and I'll fail/
This is how it's been./
Till the day You pounded on my heart's door/
And You shouted joyfully, "You're not a slave anymore!"
--credit Ginny Owens (no relation) who wrote the song that describes me perfectly!!!
Today's Mood?
Sorry, no cute icons. Just know that Isadore isn't the only (tropical) depression storm rampaging about...
9/26/2002 08:30:00 PM
Messing Around
It's been a good art day, yes it has. Heck, it's been a good art week! Just wait till I get a link for all of you...ah, um...I guess I really can't count one person as a plural...especially when that one person is me...*wanders off, brain being fuzzy*
9/26/2002 08:26:00 PM
9.24.2002
One Word
Copperfield.
9/24/2002 09:03:00 PM
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