11.30.2002
Nightmares again...
She gasped when he pulled her to him, wrapped his arms around her waist and buried his face against her neck. She could feel there was nothing sexual in the gesture, just a need for comfort. She tentatively put her arms around his shoulders and held him. They stood like that for several minutes; Quatre’s harsh breathing the only sound in the room.
"Why? Why now? Why did I have the nightmare again?" he said softly. "I thought I’d put it behind me."
The pain in his voice was enough to bring tears to her eyes. "Quatre? Do you want to talk about it?"
His sigh made her shiver. "Yes. No. I don’t know. It’s hard to." ~~from a Leila+Quatre fic I found
I had nightmares again. I know I'm being foolish about the whole mess...but I can't get any rest this way. It was a different one last night, though. Instead of the pain being inflicted on me, I watched helpless as someone I knew, someone I cared about, was brutually torn apart. She had dark hair...and I remember her body bleeding...like it was weeping. And I tried to stop her attacker, but I couldn't...it kept tearing her apart. *shivers* I couldn't see her face, so I can't say who it was (I know a LOT of dark haired females.).
I pray for peace tonight. Peaceful sleep. Restful sleep. Just sleep period.
11/30/2002 04:49:00 PM
11.29.2002
*fiddles with template*
Does anyone know how to make the template changes appear? I thought I had it set up right for the list of blogspots I know about, but....it's not showing up.
I think I got it...
Nevermind, I got it! ^^;
11/29/2002 10:05:00 PM
 You are a bit different from the crowd, you always have been and you always will be. You're kind of a loner, you don't make friends easily and only have a few close ones. It's not easy to earn your trust. You're intellegent and have a sharp, open mind. You work a lot and don't have a lot of time for a social life. You have a droll sence of humor. You often look as if you're carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders. You're pretty gullible, however. You believe firmly in just about anything you're told is true.br>
What X-Files character are you?Take the
quiz!
DANG, but that seriously fits me to a T!
11/29/2002 09:56:00 PM
Which HP Kid Are You?
Well DUH I'm Ginny...oO; *finds that quite freaky*
Take the 100 Acre Personality Quiz!
BAH! Kids know they can get away with anything around me. ^^;
11/29/2002 09:52:00 PM
Nightmares...
I had that nightmare again. But why? The past is supposed to stay dead and buried, especially when one of the people that caused it is dead. I guess it's all a part of the reason why I don't open up emotionally to many people.
It was the same as it had always been--always painful, never good. This time, I was dressed up as Serge from ChronoCross (?) and...Ron was there, too. He seemed ashamed and disgusted with me...but also enraged at the people that were hurting me. And he wanted to help, but he couldn't for some reason.
I kept waking up to get away from the nightmare...but I needed sleep. I finally collapsed from pure exhaustion about an hour before I was supposed to wake up...fortunately, the nightmares don't pursue me that far. Just rest. Good, good rest.
*sighs* I pray that I don't have that nightmare tonight...
11/29/2002 03:38:00 PM
11.28.2002
Today's Mood
Goofy. And I prolly turned a few people off with that.
Bedside Lullaby
Simply gorgeous, Shaun. I can't tell ya how much that moved me. (And how soon can I have a copy for road driving time? ^^)
11/28/2002 12:24:00 AM
11.27.2002
An Email to James Hall about Faith
"Hi James!
Wow. Incredible. Simply incredible about faith and love (I've always loved knowing that love is the greatest--since God IS love, rather natural, huh? ^-^). Having faith that nothing is impossible...well, I sorta had an experience like that here a few days ago.
According to a sermon I heard several weeks ago, we /are/ allowed to test God in one area (though I am always careful about not testing Him period--I tend to think testing someone is equal to saying that you do not trust them). Malachi 3:10 says, "'Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in My house. Test Me in this,' says the LORD Almighty, "and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that you will not have room enough for it.'"
Last week, if you remember, was my bad week, what with the regulars complaining about me on Friday and all. Now, I am normally not a money hoarder, but I was hurting for tips /bad./ At the end of the week, I had only made $10 in tips--/for the whole week!/ My tip money goes to stuff like groceries for myself (my check takes care of college and the car). And I didn't have as much as I needed to buy groceries (sure, I can get stuff from my parents, but I am learning how to be financially independent).
Come Sunday morning, my wallet held about 13 dollars. I knew my tithe was to be $10, and with a sinking heart, I wondered if I was going to have to put off my tithe till next week, so I could feed myself this week. That's when I heard His voice. "Just trust Me," He said. "Remember Malachi." Nervous about how I was going to be able to pay anything, but excited that I heard God (that is ALWAYS exciting!!!), I did as He told me.
Naturally, this has a happy ending. My little Chili's has been slammed, weeded, creamed and stomped into the ground by customers the past two days. I've got tips bursting out of my apron, and I got to make room for today, or I won't be able to hold it all! And I've made sure to thank Him (partly by telling this story--I've been sharing this with my nonbeliever friends, and they are finding it interesting)..."
Something else, isn't that?
11/27/2002 09:01:00 AM
11.26.2002
About Shaun
Sara's said most of it for me already.
I do know I had the same problem up...and sometimes still do.
I hear people talk all the time about how they can hear God speak to them. I've always worried because I don't seem to hear Him nearly as much as they do. But when I learned how to listen for Him...a soft whisper, barely even there. But it's there.
I do remember something my friend James Hall shared with me once--he said that being a Christian has nothing to do with how you feel. You can feel great or bad about stuff. For example, take a song you really really like--you listen to it, you are really moved, and you are liable to do anything or say anything (especially in the case of those weepy give-to-charity type of songs).
As long as you believe the promise of John 3:16, Jesus has saved you and loves you, regardless of how you "feel". Just believing that God exists isn't enough--satan knows that God exists, and satan isn't getting saved.
When I read Shaun's blog, I feel like that could have been me that wrote that (I have my own secret I cannot divulge to anyone). That's exactly how I feel at times. Although I don't have any quick or easy answers, I do know that God will take care of me, regardless. I'm afraid I can't help completely unless I know what your secret/problem is, but somehow, I don't think it is my business to know.
Just know that I love you and I am praying for you, darlin'.
11/26/2002 08:56:00 PM
About AIM
I understand some of you have been having problems with my AIM name, but I think there's something you should know. I'm not the only person that uses my computer. Whenever someone restarts the computer, AIM automatically boots up to my login name, regardless of if I am there or not. Like today--I was not home at my computer at all today (until now, which is 8:30pm). Just remember that, ok?
More Freudian Slips
Art class tonight. When Jamal and I were returning from our foraging break ^^; we noticed that the class next door was closed, with the note "Life Art in Progress", or something like that. I asked Jamal what that meant, and he said nude model.
We get back to class, and I tell our teacher about the nude model next door.
"I want to do that!" I yell.
Barry eyes me.
"I, uh...I meant...NOT LIKE THAT!"
Then Jamal tells me that when he made a character after himself, he looked like a demented Harry Potter. I teased him about that, and he said, "Don't make me use my magic wand on you!"
(Insert dirty mind and blushing here.)
11/26/2002 08:37:00 PM
11.24.2002
THIS IS ME BLOGGING!
*slump*
Oy.
Heh.
Life's interesting. More and more, I'm starting to figure out that my second guessing people is just me talking. So, when I say, "So and so prolly won't like this," I'm really saying I don't. So, when I say, "So and So must not like me," the opposite, is, in fact true. Kind of a relief, oddly enough.
So I know the following:
I like my momma 'cause she knows me better than me. She listens (most of the time, except when she starts trying to hook me up with someone, -_-), and gives good advice, even when I don't want to hear it. That's what I like. People cutting to the chase instead of being sugary about it.
I like James 'cause he's teaching me that you CAN live spiritually in this world. AMAZING, heh. Definitely my top spiritual listener and "adviser". He has had an incredible impression on me. Was the first to teach me that, yes, managers are people, too.
Ron's great. Heh, I remember being terrified and hating him at first (well, I used to dislike James strongly, too); like Mom, he tells me stuff I don't want to hear (all the time)--makes me appreciate the stuff I like to hear from him all the more. Which goes double for a lot of people. Like James, he reminds me that managers are people, too. Right now, he's teaching me how to not let others take advantage of my sweet, giving nature. *rolls eyes and laughs*
Shaun--man oh man, what could I say? Definitely has been a crucial influence, almost divine-crucial like. Helped me to start to see that I need to love me, and that whole second guessing bit I talked about in my first paragraph.
I'm gonna type more soon...but everyone's on AIM right now, sooooo--!
11/24/2002 08:58:00 PM
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