1.11.2003
I actually stuck around for an OB chat for once. And it was FUN. HILARIOUS, even. But I'm gonna get blackmailed. Bwee hee hee...>.< Thanks DK, Zeh. Oy. *snickers*
Just remember, if you are going to buy an illegal toilet, do it on your own time! (~~Nash Bridges)
1/11/2003 10:51:00 PM
I'm REALLY excited now--finished my first week's worth of comics--well, the second "strip", anyway. The first will be a borrowed overhead forest shot, since I don't do backgrounds well. >.<
I'm hoping I can keep to a Tues-Thurs-Sat schedule. Between art classes and work, that might be tricky, but let's see how far I get! I have a story to tell, and I want to tell it already, dangit! XD
I'm also testing out a thing where one panel is fully colored, and the rest are pencil/ink shaded. Lettering is added in with PS7, since I am also a messy writer.
Well, the fruit of my labors show up in a little over a week on Keenspace. I hope this goes over well!
1/11/2003 08:59:00 PM
And modified again...
1/11/2003 06:32:00 PM
I went in and organized my links a little. Heh, no one told me Hyper's bloglink was missing its *!
1/11/2003 06:31:00 PM
Yet another new Webcomic link. "Fistful of Benevolence" This one is incredible as far as the art goes. Well, the characters, anyway. ^^
As for mine, the first week is being inked already. I'm going to start uploading during either next week or the week after, when I get my vacation from work (WHOO!). I'm excited. :D
1/11/2003 06:26:00 PM
Got two new links--both webcomics. "Heroes in Training" is a cross between a RPG comedy and a college life look. "Daylight Breaking" is a new comic that just starting--but I find the art pretty fascinating. I hope I can be as good as these guys in my own way. (Links courtesy of BnG.com)
1/11/2003 09:42:00 AM
Busy/Lazy Girl
Between DW7, work, bunches of "Law&Order" shows, and another infamous mom and daughter heart to heart, I just didn't get a chance to get on AIM tonight.
So why do I get this sinking feeling that the person I wanted to talk to the most tonight didn't need me? I keep thinking "Person" has all "Person" needs...so why should I bother staying in? It seems like I'm struggling to stay near, much less close...
I understand there's stuff going on. Major stuff. And once again, I'm not anywhere near enough to be a tangible source of help.
There I go focusing on me me me again.
I'm being selfish.
Mom keeps saying to get off the Net already and just go get a real life.
It hurts just as much to be with "real" people as it does to be with "online" people. There's no difference to me.
Maybe I just wasn't mean to be socially interactive.
I was pretty socially awkward today at work--I just wanted to crawl into a hole and die of embarrassment.
ShyGuy51185: There was once a guy named Shy, and he lived in a small hole near the ocean.
omega reh: In a hole?
ShyGuy51185: Yes, because Shy was a gopher.
ShyGuy51185: Shy the gopher spent his entire life in this hole, and was absolutely miserable in it.
ShyGuy51185: Every day it seemed like the hole would get deeper, so one day he decided to crawl his way to the outside world -- just to see what he was mising.
ShyGuy51185: So Shy crawled to the top. And when Shy finally crawled out of the hole he was immediately bitten by a poisonous snake.
ShyGuy51185: It hurt him a lot, so Shy promised himself that he would never crawl to the top again, so that he could never get bitten by another snake.
ShyGuy51185: But Shy began to hear pleasant whispers from the outside world, and he began to whisper back. So these small conversations would go on for months, until Shy finally got up enough courage to crawl out of the hole again and let the people he was whispering to know what he really was.
omega reh: *listens intently*
ShyGuy51185: And he crawled out of the hole, but couldn't find his friends. They were only whispers from the distance, the only thing near him was the snake.
ShyGuy51185: So Shy crawled back into the hole, and decided that he would one day crawl away form the snakes so that he could be happy.
ShyGuy51185: To be continued... one of these days...
I identify with that...so much...
...so why aren't I reaching out anymore?...
Tonight WAS busy...but what about other nights? Am I finding excuses to hide away? In real life I do that, so I won't make a fool out of myself, like I usually do. But I should be able to trust myself enough on AIM...and yet...
A glimmer of memory. Mnemolth. Flora. Even Jamal to a small extent.
I'm so very lost. So very confused.
I keep throwing myself into the hole of loneliness...and I just don't want to look up for the rope of hope anymore...
1/11/2003 12:18:00 AM
1.09.2003
One freaking HEFTY helping of Ginny Blog today...
Which Kingdom Hearts Character are You Most Like?
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1/09/2003 10:28:00 PM
Sara
I'm sorry I had to go so suddenly. You needed to go too. But I still need to talk to you.
Josh
Ditto. I just don't want to dump my problems on you...
1/09/2003 10:23:00 PM
In a Backstreet mood...?
I'll be the one
I guess you were lost when I met you
Still there were tears in your eyes
So out of trust and I knew
No more than mysteries and lies
There you were, wild and free
Reaching out like you needed me
A helping hand to make it right
I am holding you all through the night
Chorus:
I'll be the one, I'll be the one
Who will make all your sorrows undone
I'll be the light, I'll be the light
When you feel like there's nowhere to run
I'll be the one
To hold you and make sure that you'll be alright
'Cause my faith is gone
And I want to take you from darkness to light
There you were, wild and free
Reaching out like you needed me
A helping hand to make it right
I am holding you all through the night
Chorus
You need me like I need you
We can share our dreams comin' true
I can show you what true love means
Just take my hand, baby please
I'll be the one
I'll be the light
Where you can run
To make it alright
I'll be the one
I'll be the light
Where you can run
Chorus
I'll be the one
I'll be the light
Where you can run
To make it alright
I'll be the one
I'll be the light
Where you can run
To make it all right
I'll be the one
To hold you
And make sure that you'll be alright
I'll be the one
1/09/2003 10:20:00 PM
To Shaun
Don't wanna lose you now
Baby, I know we can win this
Don't wanna lose you now
No no, or ever again
I've got this feeling you're not gonna stay
It's burning within me
The fear of losing
Of slipping away
It just keeps getting closer, baby
Whatever reason to leave that I've had
My place was always beside you
And I wish that I didn't need you so bad
Your face just won't go away
I don't deserve you...but I don't want to lose you, love...
Flora
On my, Flora, can't you see, can't you see
How your love's affecting this reality
Every time I'm down
You can make it right
And that makes you larger than life
Editted...in an odd manner...but a wacky sign of my appreciation. I hope. ^^;
1/09/2003 10:18:00 PM
Talked To Mne...ah...um...I can NEVER spell that name! You know who. Great person to talk to, really. We had a pretty intelligent conversation--and I felt like my opinion was honestly being respected. I don't believe in coincidences...that AIM conversation happened at the best time.
1/09/2003 10:03:00 PM
Red Orange lover
You are the PERFORMER ( An entertainer who performs a dramatic or musical work for an audience )
When people are around you their heart rate increases and they feel motivated.
You would make a fantastic president or GOVERNOR.
You are very concerned with Feelings (1. Possessing great sensibility; easily affected or moved; as, a feeling heart. 2. Expressive of great sensibility; attended by, or evincing, sensibility; as, he made a feeling representation of his wrongs.)
You are very PERCEPTIVE (1. The act of perceiving; cognizance by the 5 senses; apperhension by the bodily organs, of what is presented to them) ( Intuition is knowing obtained through high frequency thought processes, Perception is obtained through observation of low frequency conditions like sound, touch,and vision)
You are the "Thinker" (You are the inventor ... think, cerebrate, cogitate, reason, reflect, speculate ...These verbs mean to use the powers of the mind, as in conceiving ideas or drawing inferences)
People who like this color said that canaries would make great pets.
1/09/2003 05:43:00 PM
Ginny Bares All
OK, not really, but something told me to just write down my unhappy memories, so I could release them in writing, and try to forget about them.
~~Before I was born~~
When I was 19, I was told that, when my mom became pregnant with me, everyone wanted her to have an abortion except for my mom and her brother.
~~A few weeks after I was born~~
My biological father walked out--he didn't want me. My mom's family promptly disowned her. It was down to just Mom and me.
~~From birth to age eight~~
I don't remember much, except being in a daycare a lot. Mom walked to work, and I spent long nights at the daycare, waiting for her to come. My clothes weren't nearly as nice as the other kids, so they tended to make fun of me. Other times, I'd be with my grandparents, who I loved. They took care of me pretty well, instilled the cultured side into me.
~~Age 8-9~~
Mom started to date a guy at work. He would become my wonderful stepfather. Pretty soon after, they got married, and Mom and I were part of a family again, albeit a bit of an uppity and rich one. Regardless, they accepted us.
~~Age 10~~
My uncle ----------. I don't tell, because if I do, I think that Mom and I will be kicked out of the family--they would be more likely to believe him than us. And I didn't want to lose another family.
~~Middle School~~
Depressed by my uncle's actions and with my family still struggling financially (both my parents are/were retailers, and work erratic hours), I spend a lot of time at home, away from PTA type stuff; I don't want to remind my family that we are poor. When not doing chores, I would be eating (I was an incredible size 14 at the age of 12). Because I watched my younger brother, I couldn't have friends over, so I didn't have very many, period.
I dated my first boyfriend, but he tried to be inappropriately affectionate; disheartened, thinking all guys were after one thing, I dumped him.
I get my first taste of video gaming, and learn that I'm an artist. Things start to look up. I develop the skill to please adults in power--a skill that serves me well in the future. (Heh, learning to be a hard worker and a butt-kisser at an early age--invaluable.)
~~High School~~
I avoid my uncle as much as allows. I participate in as much as I can, but I'm still in the mind set of middle school, so I'm not used to having friends over. Dating a guy with a gorgeous singing voice, and it seemed like a match made in heaven--until he cheated on me. Three times. Then I dated Michael steady for a year; I broke away because I felt I couldn't be want he needed me to be for him.
About this time I'm told that my original family wanted mom to abort me. My mom divorces my grandparents. We're still allowed to visit them...but I don't want to. I'm brokenhearted that they never wanted me.
~~After Graduation~~
I work for my old church, then start for Chili's. I meet my friend James, among others (yeah, Ron, too); he becomes an incredible spiritual influence in my life. About this time, I get to know Sara, my first online friend.
~~College~~
I start off with multimedia for the first two years; made some good friends, both student and teacher wise.
James gets transferred; the threat of Ron's transfer looms heavily.
I quit Caraway and transfer to a new church.
My uncle passes away after a long fight with cancer; I never tell anyone what he did.
I go through the worst questioning/doubting phase of my faith, pulling out in Sept. '02, when I meet Shaun and Flora online for the first time.
~~Now~~
Still fighting major depression. Suffering from underdeveloped social skills.
To tell you the truth, the whole "I feel like no one cares about me, they are just saying stuff to be nice until I go away or cheer up or whatever"--that's been with me ever since I was very little. So, sadly, my attitude right now--it's nothing new for me. I want to break away from it desperately...but it's so hard for me to love me. So hard to trust anyone else...
I still want to go Home...but I hope that this little history lesson helps you all to understand me a tad more.
1/09/2003 03:32:00 PM
Corner Do Hope For There Is Care
Look to the corner—
right over there.
that cozy mourner,
he's alight in impair.
and he's sitting,
sittin' right over there.
he's trapped in pain,
you can just feel him strain.
his hand's on his heart,
his heart's scattered apart.
but what's he lost?
what's he gained?
questions he doesn't have that day,
only you, the one walking astray.
in his hands he holds his hands,
he spins the wheel;
he starts the stop, stops the start.
and in his start,
he holds the parts.
all the scattered pieces.
he wanders the puzzle,
his eyes ahazed,
his mind apained.
and look to the corner,
right over there—
he's still the cozy mourner,
alight with despair.
but something's different in his gaze,
he looks worn thin, no longer a hand heart.
his eyes look cynical, lost to pair.
he's let the pain come through,
let go of the pieces of the puzzle,
let them be strewn about.
and hey, you're looking to the corner—
the one right over there.
you're looking straight at it, forerunner in fare.
and you've looked long at him,
then, you at last take whim,
and approach 'im.
firstly he only turns away,
shy, sullen with dismay.
but time passes the phase,
and opens the source of his rage.
all o' the sudden, he's unquiet.
he spews his emotions, forefronted to you.
melancholy, he's depressed with frosty buds of dew.
he says, loud and strewn,
his life's going nowhere;
he feels lost, meaningless, even at you.
but your heart aches for him,
you feel stricken, sad as limb.
but you've no ways to help,
you're bitten, but without affliction felt.
for your teeth having nothing of this sort dealt.
but you've given him hope,
given him a ledge from which to cope,
a glove to mesh.
and as the discussion drags,
and becomes slowly to end of way,
you wish him all you can.
and tell him, tell that man—
he's the one in the corner,
right over there.
tell him,
tell him you care.
1/09/2003 08:53:00 AM
1.08.2003
*blinks* Fixing something...bwee...
1/08/2003 11:11:00 PM
I am going insane...literally?
The voice...the one that doesn't belong in my head...not God's voice...it's another one...it tells me no one cares about me. I know it's wrong.
Yet it seems so easy to listen to it.
And I just want to run away, to be far far away...to be Home.
Do I want to die?
I have no answer for that.
I just want to be Home...with God...where I feel like I belong...where I don't have to second guess...to fight myself, and tell myself I matter. To me. To others. It's a constant battle...a daily battle. And I seem to be the only fighter on my side.
That voice again.
Go away.
I don't want to listen to you.
Words of comfort--like the hollow chocolate rabbit. People just say those words so I'll go back to pretending to be all happy go lucky and ditzy and whatnot. People don't really mean those words.
God does.
I cling to Him...because I feel like He's the only one I can trust anymore...the only one who cares.
And I'm strong enough to feel His love over the voice.
I just don't understand at all. Anymore. whatever.
I just want to be Home.
1/08/2003 11:10:00 PM
Moving along
I've decided it's time to, anyway. Every time I go on the Net or AIM, I feel like I'm searching for something--and not finding it.
Every time I've been on AIM the last few weeks, I feel like I'm the odd one out. That I don't belong. That no one really respects my thoughts and feelings because of the way I act.
I get the feeling that some of you don't want to be around me, just because I'm Christian. Or because I'm "happy happy joy joy". In case you didn't know, I want to be respected like I respect you. I've been through my 3rd doubting time this summer (after my uncle passed on), and I've come out stronger in my faith for it. And I'm tired of being treated like I'm just some goofy, happy go lucky, and yes, even RETARDED person. That is bull. I don't need it.
I'm sick of the conversations that remind me of biting into a hollow chocolate rabbit. It seems nice and sweet, but there's not much to it. I can't initiate deep, thoughtful conversations every time I'm on AIM. I also don't do well when you keep running off, giving me one word answers, or just reply with "LOL :)".
Anyways, I've been trying to reach out to several of you lately and, well...it's difficult for me to start anything, really. Much less be persistent in it. I don't know if God wants me to stay to be an influence here, or if I should just move on. Frankly, I'm ready to move on. What's the point in sticking around if I'm not making a difference? (I actually have the same thoughts about my job.)
I still want to go Home. I'm so very, very tired... I want to be somewhere where I feel like I belong.
"I see it in your eyes/
The pain you keep inside/
Is slowly tearing you apart./
And though you've run away/
Reminded day by day/
You've stumbled and you've fallen/
Still He's calling..."
1/08/2003 03:33:00 PM
1.07.2003
![[If I were an online test, I would be The Internet-Addict Test]](https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/blogger_img_proxy/AEn0k_t1N17lLo1ppTT9RsiVF_3KbUeY11LqfhKRMvElwMhAeFe_5O_syH3WBFXCyAvnQNDeoBk6823ancvJjQtUjUcgpQ6X8oDnXSkgja4RM6uFcGa5gvb0iGgfoscHtrg-=s0-d "Click to find out which test you are") I'm The Internet-Addict Test! I love in-jokes, especially if they help highlight the marvellously geeky cultural differences between my internet clique and the rest of the world. Click here to find out which test you are!
ISFP
You're gentle and compassionate...open and flexible...considerate of others and do not for views and opinions on them. Often focus on meeting others needs...pleasant, quiet and kind....at their best ensuring others well-being. Caring and sensitive....modest and reserved..
OK...you enjoy subjects that relate to helping and knowing about people... art...computers and history classes if these classes are taught with an applied, sensible approach.. and if objectives relate directly to everyday lives....
You're somewhat artistic, aren't you? You could probably post a great poem on the Storm Palace, huh? You dislike structure, because it takes away from your spontaneity and freedom. You like leisure, and seek it out. You savor it...probably say "stop and smell the roses"...You have a personal and humorous approach that is unique...
Patient and flexible..easy to get along with and no need to dominate others. You don't need to lead, and are a loyal follower...good team members... You're trusting and understanding...
Love to you is utter devotion and loyalty... when you first fall in love, you may feel consumed by it...."falling in love with love" ...focus on the romance of it all..you are constantly nourishing the relationship... When scorned, you probably retreat and repeatedly analyze the situation internally....When you let go finally, you can be more assertive again...
You organize things according to their personal and humanistic values. You like a work setting that contains cooperative people... leadership style involves personal loyalty as a means of motivating others... prefer team approach...likes to enjoy life...
Be careful of the following: you can lose out when you neglect your own needs. because you see others' needs so clearly, and because you're heavily motivated toward meeting others' needs, you may overlook your own requirements. You need to learn how to respect own needs more and to be assertive and direct with others in asking for their help and for time to take care of themselves.
You also lose out when you are afraid of conflict and mismanage it as a result. You take personal responsibility for conflicts and issues that in actuality belong to others. You become hurt and withdraw. Finally, you can lose out when you become self-critical, and do not appreciate your own accomplishments.
ISFP: "I Seek Fun & Pleasure"
Note from Ginny: This is SO me.
Take the Test
1/07/2003 03:21:00 PM
Welcome back, Deus. ^_~
1/07/2003 09:21:00 AM
1.06.2003
I am 54% Evil Genius
Evil courses through my blood. Lies and deceit motivate my evil deeds. Crushing the weaklings and idiots that do nothing but interfere in my doings.
Take the Evil Genius Test at fuali.com
Who is your dragon spirit guide?
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What's your Final Fantasy?
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And yet I've never played that one...
What makes you freakishly happy?
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So I've been eating a LOT lately...and have yet to gain anything. Better stop before I'm sorry...
What fairytale are you from?
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I am 34% Geek
You probably work in computers, or a history deptartment at a college. You never really fit in with the "normal" crowd. But you have friends, and this is a good thing.
Take the Geek Test at fuali.com
What Kind of Girl Are You?
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What Kind of Fruit Are You?
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You are a Pear...juicy, sweet, and a tasty treat...you're a giver more than a taker, and other people's happiness is your ultimate reward...
And that's all I've got to say about that.
What kind of goth are you?
Created by ptocheia
What Greek god or goddess are you like?
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I am 13% Grunge
I will get out of your sight. I'm pathetic! With my clean clothes, and nice smell. I think I took the wrong test, thank god, huh?
Take the Grunge Test at fuali.com
Which Ah! My Goddess Angel Are You?
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Which Guru Are You?
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La la la--more tomorrow. I found a site with over 100 of these things!
1/06/2003 05:53:00 PM
Quick note in here
Happy 8th to my little brother!!! Now back to my online quiz results, already in progress. ^^
1/06/2003 05:23:00 PM
Which Celtic Goddess are you?
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what decade does your personality live in?
quiz brought to you by lady interference, ltd
Sad thing is, I was born in '80.
 
Which Demon Are YOU!?
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You are a Cat Demon. You prefer warm, dry area's. You are highly intelligent, and think of yourself as better than the other classes. You think before you act (Mostly). Heeeeeeeeere kitty kitty kitty...
Who's Your Ideal Disney Guy?
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(In case you had trouble reading that, it says: "Romantic. The Perfect Prince. About as stereotypical as they come. The most important thing you need to watch out for is routine and boredom. Otherwise, enjoy your dream life with your dream guy."
1/06/2003 05:22:00 PM
Another Online Quiz kind of day
What is your essence Fairy?
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You are a Fairy of Power....you have used your strength and wisdom to transform all cratures. Beware your strength has great power and can be used to unlock evil, and not the good evil.
Which Goddess are you?
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What type of magick are you
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You do the will of your God.
What's Your Princess Style?
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You're never around so it sure makes you a bit mysterious!
Which Dragon Kin are You?
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1/06/2003 05:09:00 PM
1.05.2003
And a site goes down. No more Al Bhed translating...boo...V_V;
I'm also getting excited about my comic. It starts out a little quiet, with a little sister yelling at her older bro--ok, scratch that quiet part then ^^;--and goes on from there. I'm having a lot of fun with this one. And the computer won't be able to eat THIS comic, either.
How very odd--Blogger won't update.
1/05/2003 09:35:00 PM
Spelling error. Huh, who knew? ^~
1/05/2003 05:37:00 PM
Well, I warned you, Lance. And look out, Deus...^^;
OK, good news on the comic thingy I got planned. Yeah, that dramatic, not-quite-manga one. I found a nifty site that hosts all kinds of online comics for free, so I am going with them. I also plan to take a week off from work at the end of January so I can focus on my comic and get it off on the right foot. Putting Elementis right where lots of people will see it will not only boost my ego, but also my desire to keep it going. ^^
1/05/2003 05:36:00 PM
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